Before Nick was born, I didn't know anyone who has had a baby stay for an extended time in the NICU, so I wanted to share what a typical day looks like for us:
Another way we have gotten lucky in our NICU experience is we only live 10 minutes away from the hospital, my parents live locally as well, and Cory's parents and family are only a few hour's drive away. Cory and I always talk about what a nightmare this pregnancy and the subsequent weeks in the NICU would have been if Cory was still in the Army and we were still living in Tennessee, or, even worse, in Oklahoma and Kansas, when we were a 10+ hour drive or expensive plane ticket away from family. Living so close to the hospital has made it possible for me to go back and forth multiple times a day, and our parents have helped greatly with Annabelle and Graham, from doing anything from coming to stay with us for a few days or picking them up for a few hours so Cory and I can go to the hospital together. We know some of Nick's neighbors in the NICU have parents who live up to an hour away from the hospital, and don't have the ability to stop by for an hour during Graham's nap time like I do, or have other children but don't have reliable child care or family that can help during the day (siblings still aren't allowed in the NICU since it is still considered flu season.) Also, a perk of having to leave my job midway through the year is I don't have to worry about how I will balance spending time with Nick, taking care of my two other kids, and going back to work when my maternity leave is over. I'm not sure how having a baby in the NICU would influence maternity leave, but I'm sure it's an issue other working mothers have to face at some point. The reason I'm pointing all of this out is because it's hard not to pass judgement on my fellow NICU parents at times, especially when there are parents I rarely, if ever, see spending time with their baby. It's easy to assume they are choosing not to be with their child, but a sad reality of the NICU is there are situations and circumstances that legitimately prevent a parent from seeing their infant, period, let alone as often as they would like. It's a sad and humbling reality that reminds us, once again, how lucky we are, and how much worse our situation could be.
Nick is fed every three hours at the same time every day. Every three hours, his nurse will check his vital signs and begin prepping his formula for his feeding tube. During this time, I will change his diaper and outfit if needed, and take his temperature. Since one of the greatest challenges of this experience has been trying to balance being with Nick as often as I can without completely neglecting Annabelle and Graham (long post on that coming soon), knowing exactly when he eats is helpful to plan my day around. On the weekends, and on days during the week when Cory isn't traveling, I will get to the NICU in time for his 5:30am feeding. This has become my favorite part of the day with him, because our wing of the hospital is usually still quiet and sleepy at this point, and getting to cuddle him in the dark while I drink my coffee reminds me of what our life would be like if he was a "normal" newborn and I was waking up to feed him during the night at home. I will then leave by 6:00, so that I can be back to the house in order to get Annabelle and Graham dressed and ready for school.
During the day when Annabelle is at school and I'm not taking care of Graham, I will head back to the hospital and spend time with Nick until it is time to pick Belle up from school. I read books that Annabelle has picked out to him, sing him songs, and have kangaroo (skin to skin time) with him. No matter what, each day I will leave by 2:00 so that I can be home when Annabelle and Graham get home. I will then do normal mom things until 7:30, and, once Annabelle and Graham are asleep for the night, I will head back to the hospital for his 8:30 feeding.
In the first (awful) few days after being discharged from the hospital and having to leave Nick behind, I had such a hard time accepting that changing his diaper and taking his temperature was the extent with which I could care for my child. Knowing that I had to go out into the cold to get in my car, drive ten minutes, park, go up an elevator, use a pass to get buzzed through two heavy, locked doors, and then ask a stranger permission to pick up my child is such an unnatural feeling that it took several weeks and lots of crying in my car on the way home before I could see the situation clearly. I’m an emotional person. I feel things deeply and react with my gut, and it took time before I could convince myself that Nick didn’t actually need me to be with him at all times. His needs were being met by very capable and very sweet nurses, and my other children actually really do need me much more than Nick does. I think the nicu is an experience that takes time to process, and it took a full month before I was able to accept that I couldn’t simply move into his room, dig in my heels and refuse to leave. Understanding that Nick is where he needs to be-and even though people have been telling me this since he was born, I think this is something a mother needs to feel in her bones before she can accept-has helped us fall into a routine as we count down our days in the nicu.
No comments:
Post a Comment