Follow Up Appointment and Developmental Delays

Yesterday, my sweet baby and I went back to the NICU for our two month follow up appointment. At the appointment, Nick was assessed by a physical therapist and occupational therapist to get a true sense of how he is fairing when it comes to his development (also, all the tests they ran were based on his adjusted age of two months.) His PT and OT unfortunately weren't the same ones who worked with him in the NICU (I'm realizing now that I have never given his therapy team the credit they deserve. They were experts on every single detail of his development, and they will always have a special place in my heart as the ones who taught me how to feed my baby.) When we first got to the appointment, I shared my concerns about Nick's emotional development. I explained that he never coos, never reacts to noise, hardly ever smiles, and seems indifferent to me (they asked if he ever curls up to snuggle me when I hold him. I hadn't realized it until they asked but he never has.) I could tell immediately that Nick wasn't doing well on any of the tests they were running. They had a variety of noise making toys that they used to try and get Nick to turn his head to the left, follow with his eyes, etc, but Nick just laid there, indifferent to everything they were doing. The PT was surprised that Nick can roll over from front to back, and that he does such a good job pushing up on his forearms during tummy time. But that was the extent of the good news. The therapists evaluated Nick in four different categories, and explained that he is eating and sleeping like a three month old (so a month better than he should be doing,)but, with everything else, he is, developmentally, a one month old. His social/emotional category was his lowest (big shocker there), and his development is only that of a two week old. The therapists think that the root of his problems stem from the fact that he favors his right side so much. It's obvious that he prefers to look to the right,but I thought that wasn't too big of a deal compared to his emotional problems. They explained that since he is always looking to the right, he is basically cut off from half of the world, so it's natural that he would be slower to track objects with his eyes or react to noise. So, we were referred to the First Steps program, which is when a team of physical therapists will come to our house to work one on one with Nick. Sometime soon, a PT from First Steps will do their own assessment of Nick and develop a therapy plan, which will likely consist of either weekly or every other week physical therapy appointments. I was taught how to do stretches with Nick that I will do every time I change his diaper. They are hoping that once he stops favoring his right side so much, the emotional aspect of his development will improve as well. We also ran into his primary neonatologist who I adore, who said that his problems are probably related to him being breach, or from the positioning of the placenta (again with the damn placenta!) Honestly, I wasn't expecting the therapists to find anything wrong with Nick. Maybe he was a little bit behind where he needed to be, but I was expecting that they would tell me that Nick will just develop a little differently than his peers, but that there was nothing to really worry about. In the NICU, every time it seemed like Nick was potentially facing a setback (like when they initially thought he would need surgery to fix his hydrocele, or all the gastro problems he had after leaving the hospital,) the issue always resolved itself. The therapists told me that sometimes, simply doing the neck stretches after I change him is enough to get some babies back on track, and that many times, when babies go back to the NICU for their six month follow up appointment, all their issues have disappeared and you would never guess that they were once delayed. But still. It makes me so sad for him. He's such a sweet little boy, and it breaks my heart a little to think that I never know if he's content or happy. He literally just exists, and I think that if I were to leave him in his basinette all day he would be fine with it. It makes me so worried that there is something going on that is more serious than a developmental delay. I have already heard great reviews of First Steps, but once again, we are in the position of having to depend completely on strangers to take care of our baby. Also, thank you all so much for your sweet words from my post yesterday. I am so thankful for our village.