One Year Later

One year ago today, on Friday, October 6th, I experienced my first big bleed and the start of all my pregnancy complications. I was 11 weeks +5 days pregnant with Mr. Nick, and was having nasty first trimester side effects (lots of fatigue, LOTS of nausea, and a horrible aversion to coffee that would make me throw up on the spot if I smelled it brewing.)It had been an extra long week at school: I had parent/teacher conferences Wednesday and Thursday night after a full days of teaching, and it was also the week before fall break, so my third graders were extra rambunctious. By Friday night, I was ready to sit on the couch, in my yoga pants, with my feet up, and spend the following week resting and hopefully starting to feel a bit better.

I was doing just that-sitting on the couch in my yoga pants-and talking to my mom on the phone when I felt a pop-pop-pop in my lower left side, near where my ovaries are. It wasn't painful, like it would be in the future, and I didn't think anything of it until I felt a big WOOSH of blood. It was enough to bleed through my pants and onto my couch (though it stopped right away, and was more like a big gush than a continuous bleed.)

This was the first time I think my brain seemed to sense that something terrible might be happening, and I immediately went into survival mode. I calmly went upstairs to my room, changed pants, cleaned myself off, and called the after hours hotline at my OB's office. I remember explaining to the nurse that I suddenly lost a lot of blood, and she said it "could be nothing, but it also could be something," and that I needed to come to the Emergency Room right away.

While all this was going on, Cory was putting our then four-year-old and one-year-old to bed. I remember telling him that we needed to go to the hospital because I was having a miscarriage, so we called my parents to come to our house so we could drive to the ER together. As we drove to the hospital, I remember being so sure I was losing Nick. What else would cause so much bleeding? It still gives me chills to think about how I prayed that God would spare my baby anyways, and I remember thinking to myself how I would explain a miscarriage to Annabelle. Even though I was only 11 weeks pregnant, Nick was very real to Annabelle and already very much a part of our family.

When we got to the ER, I remember whispering to the lady at the front desk that I was 11 weeks pregnant and had started bleeding (because I was still in the first trimester, I would stay at the ER, while in the future I would be sent to Labor and Delivery.) I was taken back to ER, and all my vital signs and health information was taken. Next, a nurse came with a portable ultrasound machine. She explained that she was an ER nurse-not a labor and delivery nurse-and the point of the ultrasound was just to confirm a heartbeat. I remember bracing myself as the ultrasound began, and was stunned when it revealed a perfectly healthy 11-week-old fetus. Nick was totally fine. A second nurse then did a cervical exam to check for dilation (which would have been another sign of a miscarriage,)but that too was normal. An OB then came to talk with us, who explained that sometimes during pregnancy, especially in the first trimester, women will have bleeding, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I remember thinking there was no way she was right, and that there had to be a reason I had suddenly bled so much. I was allowed to leave the hospital, and was told to call my physician on Monday to see if he would want to see me. When I called the following Monday, the receptionist said my OB didn't need to see me unless the bleeding continued, or if I experienced any cramping. Since the big gush of blood Friday night, I hadn't had any other bleeding, so everyone assumed it was a one time thing.

About a week later, I passed a blood clot that was about the size of a grape. After this, I had a more thorough ultrasound and a consultation with my primary obstetrician. This ultrasound revealed the pesky Subchorionic Hematoma that would cause so many problems throughout the next four months. At this time, my doctor didn't think anything of it. He explained that SCH's are relatively normal (according to my Google research, it is the most common cause of bleeding in the first trimester,) and they normally heal on their own, and are gone by the 20 week ultrasound. Usually. But, since SCH's do slightly increase the risk of miscarriage, my doctor recommended pelvic rest (no exercise, no heavy lifting, no sex, etc) until the 20 week ultrasound.

I still don't fully understand the link between the SCH and the placental abruption that would cause Nick's premature birth (which is so weird since it's had such a huge impact on my life,) but, over the course of the next four months, I would be admitted to the hospital five times, spend 11 weeks on bed rest, have 15 total ultrasounds, and make eight more separate trips to the hospital. It's hard to believe it has been a year since all of this started, and it's even harder to accept how different our lives could be if I had bled just a little bit more. It's definitely an emotional day, and I think I will spend some extra time cuddling my lucky little boy today.